I can't live without you
by annalang
Summary: After season02 13, Jack and Will are both alive. Abigail is dead. Hannibal comes back and kills again. Will and Hannibal meet again. And this story is about what happens when they meet again.
1. The Same Dream

Chapter 1:The Same Dream

Will always has the same dream. It is about a quiet stream and a dying stag. He can't accurately remember what happened that day. All he remembers is blood. There is nothing but death and blood. And when he thinks about that day, his heart is so hurt.

He always has a plan to kill Hannibal, but he never wants Hannibal to die. He always thinks of those days when he sat in that chair and his Dr. Lecter looked at him. They talked to each other and thought as each other. Hannibal always looked at his eyes with an undetected smile. And when he woke up in the hospital, he could see Hannibal standing in the air and he said: "I gave you the chance."

Abigail is dead. Will buried her at a good cemetery near his house. He comes to see her once a week, and talk to her about his life. Will doesn't know where Hannibal is. He recovered from the knife wound. But he cannot recover from what Hannibal said that day. His heart is broken.

Jack and he both survived. But he never talked about Hannibal with Jack. They are not close as they were before. Will doesn't know if he regretted betraying Hannibal. When he saw Abigail, when he saw Hannibal, when he heard Hannibal say 'we couldn't leave without you', he felt so much pain.

He can't allow Hannibal to kill people again. He thought he could stop Hannibal and change him, but he can't. The only thing he can do is wait; wait for a body killed in some dramatically cruel form. And that day will be the day of their reunion.

Thanks Erin for correcting mistakes in grammar for me.

Now the story is better than before. And I wish I will have more readers and comments.

Thank you all for reading that.


	2. Hannibal Came Back

Chapter 2: Hannibal came back

Jack asked Will to see a crime scene. When he told Will, Will could see that he was nervous. But Will was excited because he had a feeling that this crime scene would have something to do with Hannibal.

The body was found at an abandoned factory. It was hanging on the cross beam with wire. The body had been distorted into a very odd shape. The wire ran through its joints and curved like flowers. The body was surrounded by wire flowers. It looked pathological but beautiful. The flowers covered the body and other flowers. It so heavy and complicated; just like the Middle Ages which Hannibal likes. Will seems to hear the body or the flowers talk to him. They said: "Hello, Will."

"The killer who did this is very calm. He knows exactly what he wants. He did this just to enjoy himself. This is not his murder. He chose his victims randomly. He didn't care about them. He killed them and used their body to make his art works just like he was painting a picture."

"This is my design."

When Will was speaking, he had a little smile on his face. He didn't know about that, but Jack could see it. Jack didn't know how to talk to Will since Hannibal escaped. He can hardly know Will's mood, but he was certain Will is not good. He was afraid Will may breakdown, but Will told everyone he was fine, and he refused to accept any psychological doctor again. But at that moment, he can see Will's smile. He doesn't know what it means but he was sure it must have something to do with Hannibal.

"So what kind of killer we should look for?"

"Just someone you never would believe is the killer; someone like Dr. Lecter."

Will smiled and talked to Jack. He looked a little bit happy, which made Jack feel uncomfortable, but he couldn't tell why. He just watched Will leaving the crime scene.

Will went to the cemetery. He didn't want to talk to anybody because there was nobody who could understand him. There was one person who could, but he betrayed him. He had to do that, so he meant to suffer alone. The only one he can talk to is himself. He pretended to talk with Abigail, but he knew that it was just him, alone and helpless.

"You buried her in a nice place."

"Yes, I did. Why did you come back?"

"I told you, I couldn't leave without you."

"You tried to kill me."

"But I didn't. You always want to kill me, don't you?"

"Oh, yes. I do want to kill you. I always dream I kill you."

"How does that feel? Does it please you?"

"No, not really."

Will turned to face Hannibal. For all the years they were separated, he hardly changed. He looked just like the last time they sat at that chair, talking, and thinking.

"So, how did it feel?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you killed me; in real life, not in a dream. You used a real knife, in the real world, and killed me."

"Well, you are not dead, are you? Or I am talking to a ghost in my imagination?"

"No, you are not talking to a ghost."

Will rubbed his own face and tried to say something, but he can't find words to express himself. He had so many things to tell Hannibal, but at that moment, he just couldn't say a single word. He dreamed that one day they meet again, so many times. And now the dream came true, he didn't know want to do. Just like he had so many fantasies about killing Hannibal, but that night, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't shoot Hannibal. He had the gun in his hand, and he had pulled the trigger before. But he just couldn't do anything that night. The only thing he did was allow Hannibal to stab the knife into his body and hold Hannibal really tight.

"I thought that would be our ending."

"No. We can't end like that. We are just alike. You are as alone as I am. And we are both alone without each other. So we can't end like that. I know you as you know me. We are both alive. So I cannot live without you."


	3. That pain is too strong to hide

Chapter 3: That pain is too strong to hide

Will took Hannibal to his house. He didn't know what to think when he saw Hannibal. But he was sure he didn't want anyone to know Hannibal came back, at least not yet. He knew he should hand Hannibal over to the FBI. But he didn't do that. He thought he should do something for himself, after everything that happened. It was time to think of himself, instead of others.

And he wanted Hannibal.

He wanted to see Hannibal again. He'd wanted to talk to Hannibal, question him, since the day he disappeared. He used to talk Hannibal in his mind. But now he can really talk to him. And although he can empathize with anyone, he cannot imagine Hannibal's thoughts; at least not all of them.

"Your dogs look well," said Hannibal. He sat in a chair before Will's desk, where there sat an uncompleted fishhook, "Do you still go fishing?"

"Yes. It makes me feel at peace."

"You couldn't feel at peace."

"No."

"Why?"

"You. You stabbed me."

"You could have stopped me," said Hannibal. He was tying a feather to the fishhook, and he stopped to look Will in the eye.

"You could have stopped everything that happened that night. But you chose not to. I gave you a chance to leave with me, and no one would have died. But you didn't want to leave with me; you wanted me to get caught. You wanted me to live in a narrow cell. You wanted my freedom which I can't give to you."

"You said nobody would die; but there are so many people dead. I don't just want Abigail alive. I want everyone alive. I don't want you to kill people; not only the person who connects with me. And you can't do that. I don't want your freedom. I don't want to put you in jail. I have to. Because this is the only way to make sure you do not kill people."

"That is the only thing I want to do. And because of that, I deserve to die?"

"No. "

"Will, Will," said Hannibal, "I don't mean to kill you. I want you alive. I said I can't live without you, and it is true."

"You don't mean to kill me. How can I believe you?"

Will pulled up his shirt and showed his skin. There is a clear and horrible scar on his stomach. Hannibal stared at the scar and touched it carefully. He put his hand on the scar to cover it. He stood up to get closer to Will, and he leaned down and kissed the scar.

"Will, I just needed you to feel. Feel the pain of betrayal by someone you trusted, someone one you loved."

"That pain is too strong to hide."


	4. You can't leave

Chapter 4:You can't leave

Will and Hannibal stood face to face. They stood so close, and they were nearly hugging each other. At that moment Will felt himself going back to that raining night. And he looked in Hannibal's eyes, and burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing, Will?"

"It is just the same. After years of separation, when we are finally together, there is nothing changed. I look at you, and your expression just reminds me of the old days. Back when you were Dr. Lecter, and I was your patient. We used to talk about things, so many things, and analyze what the other one thinks. We tried to change each other. And now, nothing has changed. It's just like the old days, talking and talking. "

"Well, we do talk a lot," said Hannibal, "And it is true we have gone through so many things. But when we meet again, we still talk; because there is no one else to talk to in the whole world. You are the only person I can share with. And even though today Dr. Lecter no longer exists in the world, I am still your doctor. I am always your doctor. You are right. Things happened, but to you and me, there is nothing changed."

Will walked to the fireplace, and poured himself a glass of wine. He hesitated before he spoke: "But what about the others? You killed them and just told them nothing changed?"

"You don't need to ask me why I eat them. You know. And some of them you cared for, like Beverly. You should have known what would happen to her when she saw the truth. You encouraged her, even when you could see what would happen."

"But you are the person who murdered them."

"Yes, I am," Hannibal smiled, "I admit I killed them, as you always wanted me to. Now what are you feeling, Will?"

"It doesn't matter now."

"Oh, it will always matter, Will. Your feelings are important to me."

"You killed them and used them. They were your tools to manipulate me. Yes, of course, that is enough for you."

Hannibal went to Will. He didn't say anything but held Will's shoulder. Maybe he didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to argue; but there was no way to avoid an argument. They could not change each other's minds. And now, Hannibal felt tired. For so long he tried to bring Will to his side, but the longer time he worked on it, the more he was aware that it was not possible.

"I don't know if that is enough for me, Will. Actually I think we talked a lot today, and I should leave."

"No, you won't leave. If you take one step out of this house, I will shoot you and call the FBI. So you can't go anywhere. You are staying here, Hannibal. Stay here. And if I'm satisfied, I may give you a drink or something."

What I want is just some comments which tell me there are still readers.

And now I don't know if anyone want to read this story any more. IT make me feel sad.


	5. What do you want for dinner

Chapter 5: What do you want for dinner.

"You know you can't trap me, Will."

"Not necessarily."

Will looked at Hannibal and smiled. He seemed very confident. He shook the glass and sat on the sofa. His smile made Hannibal feel nervous for some reason. Hannibal can feel there is something changed since he left. Will was no longer familiar as he was in the old days. This time Will seemed a little dangerous and unpredictable.

"I am not the same person you first met. You have successfully changed me. But on the other hand, when you left, this change never stopped. I am not the same person you can easy to manipulate. You wanted me to go the dark place with you. Well, you did it. And now I am in the dark place, with you. And there is only you and me, always."

As Will spoke, Hannibal found that he was so different, since their last meeting. It didn't mean that Will and he were not alike anymore; on the contrary, they were more similar. Because of his actions, Will was certainly changed. While he used to think Will couldn't change him, Will said he had. Now, he believed Will had succeeded. And because of those changes, they weren't just alike, they were practically the same person. All the time they were separated, they thought about each other and the things between them. They worked hard to think like the other, to understand one another. Apart from the fact that Will still refused to kill people, and Hannibal refused to stop, they were the same.

"Will, you changed so much while I was gone," said Hannibal, "and although I wasn't here to see it, I think these changes are good."

He came to the sofa and sat close to Will. He took Will's glass and drunk the wine.

"You don't want me to leave. You miss me. Am I right?"

"Yes. And you shouldn't leave for your own safety."

Will smiled and looked at the knife on the table. It is the same knife Hannibal used to stab him. And Hannibal recognized it. He stared Will for a while, and then he stood up. He walked to kitchen and said: "So, what do you want for dinner, Will?"


	6. When do we have that dinner(1)

Chapter 6: When do we have that dinner.

Will remembered the day Hannibal came to his house and brought him breakfast. It was the first time they shared food. And after that, they had dinner together many times at Hannibal's house. Over time, having dinner together became a habit. Back before the stag appeared, before the nightmares started. He just considered Hannibal a good psychiatrist. They sat at the table and shared food. And Will usually would praise Hannibal's cooking. The memory between them was too sweet to be real. One day he knew the truth and all the beautiful memories fell apart. Instead, the stag filled his mind, his dreams. It tortured him day and night. He didn't know how to define the relationship between Hannibal and him. It was so complicated. And it was not supposed to be like that.

"You should buy some food. There is nothing to cook with in your fridge."

"There is certainly nothing like you usually cook with." said Will. He walked to kitchen. Hannibal took off his jacket, revealing a waistcoat. It made his body look better. His waist was narrower and his legs were slender. After so long without seeing him, Hannibal still held the same fatal attraction to Will; possibly even stronger.

Will looked at Hannibal for a while before turning to the living room. He said: "Just use the stuff you already have."


	7. When do we have that dinner(2)

7

Will sat at the sofa and held a glass of wine. He seemed to have something on his mind. When he was thinking, his expression was so dignified. He looked like he had too many things to worry about. And that was true. He had something really important and thorny to worry about—Hannibal.

He knew he couldn't keep Hannibal forever. Actually, Hannibal was a wanted fugitive and he worked for FBI. He should have turned Hannibal in the moment he saw Hannibal at the cemetery. But he did not do that. He had a private agenda. He knew he couldn't let Hannibal get away for the murder, but he also didn't want the federal agents to interrogate him. Hannibal was so unique and those people wouldn't understand him. He didn't mean that Hannibal had reason to kill people. Hannibal is guilty, and nobody could deny that. But if Hannibal had to be judged, he must be judged by someone can understood him.

Will knew that, and he always knew that one day, maybe tomorrow, he would hand Hannibal to the FBI. And they might kill him or put him in a mental hospital. And if they did that, he will go to the hospital to visit Hannibal. It was the way things should go down. The good guys defeated bad guys. But now, he could hardly tell what is right and wrong.

He looked at Hannibal's back and got lost in thought. It was so complicated. Everything became complicated once Hannibal showed up in his life. There was no simple right and wrong now, as he sat here and looked at Hannibal. He realized none of it mattered. When the moment came, there must be some way to solve this problem. And right now, there was only one thing to worry about.

"So, when do we have dinner?" asked Will.


	8. You lied to me

Chapter 8 : You lied to me

They sat at the table and shared a dinner like they usually did. The dinner was too simple. After they shared all the expensive and delicate food, now they sat in the small house in the suburbs and ate the frozen steak for dinner.

"I guess on the run you have to eat what you can, even if it's not haute cuisine?"

"I don't really care for the taste of food at this time. It is enough for me. What about you?"

"Neither do I."

They smiled at each other. And after a while, Will said:"You know, I always wonder why we can't just be friends, like others. You know, like the normal people."

"Have you ever noticed that we are not normal people? Maybe that is the reason."

"We should. I don't mean that we should be normal people. We can't. But we should have a friendship like others. Talk about food, weather, movies, sports, books. The friendship between us is painful. Being friends with you is so difficult and, dangerous."

"But I was never dangerous to you."

"After I almost died because you stabbed me? You say you are not dangerous to me? Oh. Hannibal, save it. Don't embarrass yourself."

As Hannibal stared at Will, he tried to explain something. But he gave up. He just went back to the conversation about normal people. He said: "We have never been like normal people, in our entire lives. So we can't have a normal friendship like others. That is why we are so alone. And we only have each other. We are made for each other. "

"No, I don't think so. I am not made for anybody. And I think we should be alone. I'd rather I never knew you." said Will, "But I met you. And at first, I embraced the company and understanding. I was happy to have you in my life. But don't you see what you bring to me? Disease, nightmares, pain, death, and heartbreak."

"That is not what I bring to you or I want to bring to you."

"But the feeling is real. I feel hopeless and betrayed. You used lies to make me trust you. Once all the lies are found, the trust built on them would be destroyed. You knew that one day I would find out, but you still lied to me, without hesitation."


	9. Hannibal got caught

Chapter 9: Hannibal got caught.

"You are wrong, Will" said Hannibal, "Not all of them were lies. I lied to you, but at the same time, I also lead you to the truth. Without those lies, you could not find the truth. You can see the truth because I give you my help. You can't deny that."

"You said you let me see the truth. But that truth is not what I want to see. In fact, the truth you showed me is not supposed to exist. You let me see it just to satisfy yourself."

"You think I just want to satisfy myself? Is what you think?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I think of you. Bloom said our relationship is harmful. That is true. I admit I used you to achieve my intent. But even today, you still won't admit you did the same thing to me. In fact, you did that to me first. Based on this fact, you are lamentable, Dr. Lecter."

Hannibal wiped his hand. He hesitated before he started talking.

"I am not lamentable. You said I don't admit the truth. You think I am afraid to face what I did to you and avoid talking about it. But you are wrong. You are wrong about so many things. I am not the lamentable one. I know what I do and what I feel from the beginning to the end. You are the one doesn't know your own feelings. As a result you have so many contradictions. You cannot chose your side or make your decision."

Will sat at the other side of the table. He looked at Hannibal but stopped talking. After Hannibal left, he thought a lot. But today what Hannibal said is right. He didn't want to admit it but Hannibal was right. He avoided a part of his own feelings. He was afraid of it. He was afraid that once he faced those feelings, he would not be the same person at all. So now he can't find the words to refute Hannibal or answer him. But he had decided one thing.

"Do you remember we talked about our last dinner?"

"Yes, I do."

"Maybe this will be your last dinner have with me on the outside." said Will. He looked down at his mobile with a little smile. He said: "I can't just let you go. You are here, and I have my job to do. I couldn't leave with you last time. And I can't just have a dinner without doing anything at this time."

He smiled at Hannibal, and he wanted to say more. But he can't. He didn't know how to make this moment less difficult. And he heard the siren outside.

"Come out with your hands up, Hannibal Lecter."


	10. What I choose is the right side

Chapter 10: What I choose is the right side

"You are still on their side, Will." said Hannibal, "I am not surprised, but a little disappointed."

"What I choose is the right side. And you shouldn't be disappointed. I think you already knew what I would do before you came to me. I can think like you, just as you can think like me."

"Yes, I can imagine what you will do. So I am not surprised, really. You have surprised me before, but not this time. But I am disappointed. I still have hope for you. I always have, even though you have abandoned me once."

"Oh, you always have hope for me. I don't believe it. What you have for me is not hope. And even if it really is hope, you should give it up. What you want me to be is just your dream. It is unpractical. Making me a murderer and killing people with you is just your fantasy. I am alone and I want your company. But your company is not important enough to me to give up what I believe and love. And no matter what you do, it is never enough."

Will looked outside. He could see the armed people surrounding the house. The sky was turning dark, but there was still some sunlight on the edge of sky. It is bright and brilliant. The blue and red lights were blinking under the dark gray sky.

"It is a little strange to find that the view outside is kind of beautiful on this moment."

"No, not strange at all."

"The dark and bright, the shadows and lights, they are always beautiful."

"It will be my pleasure to visit you at the hospital or the prison, Dr. Lecter. And you should go, really."

Hannibal seemed want to say something, but he just laughed. Will didn't understand what Hannibal wanted to express, but he felt uncomfortable with his laughter. It sounded sad and crazy, but he couldn't do anything. The side had been chosen and the decision had been made. The only thing he could do was watch Hannibal get caught in the plan he made a long time ago. It's different from his dream. He never had a clear feeling about finishing that plan. But now he felt it, and it didn't feel as good as he'd thought it would. But what did that matter?


	11. Will's thoughts

11

Will watched the view of Hannibal's back as the FBI agent put the cuffs on his hands. And Will noticed Hannibal had not spoken a single word since he left his house. Hannibal's silence reminded Will that Hannibal once said that if he got caught he would live in his memory palace. At the time Will had not understood what Hannibal meant or how he could do it. But when he stared at Hannibal and felt his silence, he understood something. The silence must have some connection to what Hannibal said before.

Hannibal had a great, glorious and huge inner world to leave in. He said himself his palace is very huge even in comparison to palaces in the middle ages. If he decided to live there, nobody could force him to come out. No one could see him or get inside him without his permission. And Will kind of understood why Hannibal was not afraid, why he so calmly faced Will when he said he had already called the FBI. Hannibal did not want to get caught but he was not afraid of that. Hannibal has his own world, one that Will was allowed to get in before. But he was not sure he would be able to get in this time.

Looking from Hannibal's point of view, he did do something hard to forgive. He abandoned Hannibal, he betrayed him and he hurt Hannibal's heart. His thoughts on Hannibal were as complex as Hannibal's thoughts on him.

"Consider it an act of reciprocity."

He remembered the conversation with Hannibal when he killed the one that Hannibal sent to kill him. He spent so long trying to ignore the effect of Hannibal but it wouldn't be ignored. He always told himself Hannibal was not important, not as important as justice. But as he stood in front of his house and watched Hannibal' s back, he had a thought that he might really lose Hannibal this time. He had always been so sure about Hannibal's feelings for him, but not this time. He felt alone again. He had not felt alone since he first met Hannibal. But now he felt that. He finally admitted how important Hannibal's company was to him. The loneliness made him so miserable.

"Will, are you alright?" asked Jack.

"Yes, I am fine. I want to stay alone for a while. When you're finished, just leave."

"Will, you..."

Will smiled to Jack and told him he was fine. And he closed the door. He went to bed. He wanted a long sleep. He was afraid that he would have nightmares but he still needed to sleep now. He needed to sleep in his steam.

I noticed there are some readers from China or Chinese Taiwan. And if you want read this story in Chinese, just tell me.

And thanks for reading.

Please leave your comments.

Thank you again.


	12. He wants to see you

Chapter 12: He wants to see you

Will can't be sure whether he's awake or sleeping. He'd slept for hours, and dreamt so many strange things. Countless scenes from the past flashed through his mind; the talking, the painting, the metaphors and suspicions. He walked into a stately hall and he could see Hannibal standing in the shadow. He just stood there, not speaking a word but staring at him. The antlers grew slowly from his head. And Will found he couldn't move or talk. He watched Hannibal approach him and he heard the phone ring. It was just a dream.

"Will, Hannibal insists on seeing you."

He heard Jack say that on the phone. He couldn't remember his reply. But he got out of the bed and took a shower. He wore a dark gray coat and shirt. And he went to the same hospital he'd been trapped in.

"You are here," said Hannibal, "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"You asked to see me."

"Yes, but I thought you might need a few days to adjust yourself."

"No, that's not necessary. I have already thought about it. In fact, I have thought about how to face you when I caught you since you left. So I know what I want to say to you or do."

"Actually, you didn't catch me. You wanted to catch me by yourself, but you didn't succeed. I came to you and I let you call the police. If I wanted to avoid all this, you didn't have any way to stop me. So you did not catch me."

"You mean you wanted to get caught."

"It is not exactly what I wanted. But if you think that, it is not wrong."

Hannibal looked at Will. His emotions towards Will were too deep and that put him at a disadvantage when he faced Will. Will didn't know that, but Hannibal knew. So he had a little hesitation. And he said:

"I am tired of hiding. I don't like travelling the world alone. I felt alone so I came to you. I don't really care what you will do. I just need to see and talk to you. And it makes no difference to me whether I talk to you there or outside. I am always free no matter whether in my own house or that gloomy jail."

JUST GIVE M SOME COMMENTS.


	13. in the jail

Chapter 13

When Will heard Hannibal said he wanted to see him, he was so emotional he couldn't define

what he was feeling. But now he stood in the gloomy hospital. That hospital which was so dark, it

leached out all life and sunlight. The floors and the windows were covered by dust. There was no

color, no hope but the dirty cage.

And Hannibal sat in that cage. The cage is a little small for him. He was tall and strong, but now

he could only sit there and wear the prison jumpsuit. He always liked the complicated pattern and

the bright line in his clothes. He loved the wide ties and cufflinks. But now he just had that suit.

Because of sunlight that poured from the skylight, Hannibal was in the shadows and Will couldn't

see his expression. But he could imagine that Hannibal was smiling as usual, as he always did in

Will's dream.

"Yes, you are free," Will smiled and he said:"I know you are always free, but this way you can't

kill anybody."

"Not necessarily. When you were in that jail, you sent a killer to murder me. You had an admirer.

Maybe I also have admirers."

"Yes, there must be so many people who want to help you out. You're always charming and

people believe in you, and they love you. But you can't get out there, because they are not allowed

to contact you."

"But I can see you. That is enough for me. So have a seat, please," Hannibal said.

When he said that, Will felt they had returned to the past, to the moment they first had a

conversation in Hannibal's home. Hannibal always told him to have a seat. And they started

conversing. That had already become a convention. And this time they still start with that.

Will looked at the chair. He drew the chair to him and sat.

"So, my doctor, what do you want to talk about?"

"Everything. Talk to me, about everything. There are things we should discuss since we've been

separated for so long. So talk to me."

"You asked to see me to have a chat with me."

"Yes. It has been a really long time. And now I am locked up here, and there is nothing else for

me to do but talk to you."

I am really care about what you think of this story. So, please leave some comments !


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